Three Twenty Nine.

 

 

 

I usually claim that pregnant women should not read books about pregnancy and birth. Their time is too precious. They should, rather, watch the moon and sing to their baby in the womb.  -Michel Odent

 

 

 

 

On October 9th, we were scheduled for an induction to meet our sweet Benjamin due to IUGR. ( a growth retardation due to lack of nutrients from the placenta to the baby. )

 

At 12:00 p.m. they started the pitocin, and shortly after broke my water.  Everybody tells you that your first labor and birth will be your longest, and each one after that will be a little shorter and so on and so forth. Benjamin was born at 3:29 p.m.

 

Three and a half hours, from start to finish.

 

Six pounds seven ounces. Twenty-one inches long.

 

Nothing about him was small, or under developed. He was absolutely perfect from top to bottom.

 

Benjamin is two weeks old now, and I cant imagine life without him. He fits in perfectly to our family.  How is it possible to be so in love with somebody you have only known for two weeks?

I was reading my first blog again, and I cant believe I was ever unsure of what was happening. I actually feel bad that this was not all intentional from the beginning. He is so loved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A huge thank you to my sister for being in the room with us to capture these moments.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Unplanned and Prepared

" You came to me and climbed inside so softly and gently that I hardly knew you were there until you became such a part of me that I don't know how I ever existed without you there."

Tomorrow will be my last day before meeting Benjamin. Excited is an understatement, but my heart also hurts in some ways because it will be the last time I carry a baby inside of me.  My emotions are seriously going a million miles an hour right now. I know it is normal to feel these things before a new baby comes into your family, but that doesn't make it any easier. 

Lately I have felt nothing but guilt, I feel like I have somewhat betrayed my girls. It has just been us and them for the past four years. I feel like my time with them is going to be drastically cut short and that in return they will be hurt by it. I don't want them to ever think they are being replaced or loved any less. Then, on the other hand I feel incredibly guilty for feeling that way in regards to Benjamin. He did nothing wrong and he is just as much a part of this family as the girls.

There has to be a middle ground, right? 

Matt and I had talked multiple times about POSSIBLY having another baby at some point down the road, but we had agreed that if we did, it would be about five years from now. Because, apparently we thought in five years we would be at a place in our lives to just have a nursery waiting and ready for whenever we wanted to add on to our family. I was SET on having a planned pregnancy. Both of the girls were big surprises, and I wanted to "do it right" if we ever decided to have one more. I think that was what got me down most when I found out I was pregnant with Ben. I would not have my chance at a planned pregnancy and that empty nursery just waiting for us to put a baby in it. 

Ridiculous, right? Who has a nursery just waiting for them...? Nobody.

It took me a while to realize how prepared we really WERE for a baby, and that just because his timing was not PLANNED, did not mean that we were not prepared. This baby is loved, and wanted, and we are ready for him.  

It has been a while since my last post, nothing horrifically exciting has taken place since then. Three weeks ago we found out how small little Benjamin was. (despite how large I am ) 

He is measuring about two months smaller than an average newborn, he is roughly around the size of a baby that is 33 weeks. This little guy, despite being tiny has been fantastic, though. On every ultrasound and every NST he looks above and beyond good. He has definitely given my ribs a run for their money. Those little feet have been in the SAME SPOT for months now, and boy does my rib cage feel it now that hes dropped.  We have stocked up on our preemie clothes and diapers and are ready for him to be here so we can start plumping his little bod up. 

The girls are beyond excited, as well. I figured at some point they might forget about the baby or just lose interest, not a chance. They are so sweet to him already and have planned out what they will be doing to help with him. I hope these feelings stay the same once they realize he is a real baby, and that he will be with us forever. 

Today is my last day of work, tomorrow I will take the day to get my house cleaned and ready and Thursday morning we will go to meet our Benjamin.  I will definitely do a post regarding the birth, so until then..