Glow.

Dear Glow Fairy,

     I think you must have taken my pregnancy glow to somebody else, because I am NOT glowing.

  Okay guys, most of these posts are going to be happy and loving. Today, though.. I shall vent. This pregnancy IS NOT what I was expecting. It is nothing like when I was pregnant with the girls. With the girls, I never showed until I was at least 6 months pregnant, my skin literally glowed, my hair grew, etc.  Ya'll, lets just talk about this baby. (FAIR WARNING TO HAPPY MOMS TO BE, THIS IS PROBABLY NOT WHAT YOU WANT TO BE READING)

     Lets start with this belly of mine. In the end, if I don't produce AT LEAST an 8 lb baby (or twins), I will be so mad. I am HUGE for being only 4 months, huge. Apparently the baby is only supposed to be the size of an orange or so at this point, I beg to differ. I am carrying a watermelon. 

     Spider veins. I could make a map on my legs (mainly my left leg) with the spider veins that have taken residency upon my poor legs. It was like somebody got a can of blue paint and just splattered my legs with it. 

     My skin. Folks, I can play connect the dots with what is going on with my face these days. Wasn't this supposed to happen in the first trimester? WHERE ARE THESE SPOTS COMING FROM. Every day Anna points out to me that I am hurt somewhere on my face, or she feels the need to tell me I have polka dots. Not amused. No amount of exfoliation is going to get rid of these suckers. Time to pile on the powder. (Who needs to glow when you have a fabulously caked face? )

     The hair. At this rate, I am going to have to shave my legs at a minimum of three times a day just to keep them feeling like sand paper. The transformation into chewbacca has commenced. I might as well just let it happen. 

    Boobs. Okay, so this one would not be bad, if they didn't rest on my HUGE stomach already. I feel like I completely skipped steps 1-10 where I am full and curvy and just went straight to being big and saggy. I keep reading all of these articles of people feeling so sexy at this stage in pregnancy. No, just no. I shed a few small tears every time I shower these days. 

    The hormones.... Oh.my.gosh. I don't even know where to begin. If it wasn't frowned upon to take antidepressants during pregnancy, I would be eating them like candy. B12 just isn't cutting it. My poor husband is probably scared to go to bed with me at night for fear that he will wake up to me standing over him with a spare pillow. I CANNOT CONTROL IT. I am literally a crazy person. Literally. I cry, all of the time. I cried because my husband asked if we had any (lets say fancy cakes.. or something) left... and we didn't because spermy over here ate the whole box. So I just sat there and cried. ( I was kind of ashamed that I ate the whole box alone.) Waterproof mascara ya'll, a prego's best friend. 

     My clothes don't fit. I am at the point where my belly hangs out of the bottom of all of my shirts, but I am carrying so low that I cant pull my pants up all of the way or else I look like I have something similar to a foopa. So my crotch basically sags down to my knees. Which is the lesser of two evils? You tell me. I cant wear jeans, at all. For a while I was able to just wear them and not button them. Nope, not happening.  THANK GOD FOR LEGGINGS AND PJ PANTS. If you see me on one of the "people of Walmart" sites, cant say I didn't tell you so. 

Oh, on a sweet note: Annabelle felt the baby move for the first time last weekend. My.Heart.Melted. (As pictured below.)

Baby is 16 weeks old. 

Baby is the size of an orange ( or watermelon.)

Baby has toenails!

A letter to you.

“Where there is love there is life”

This post will be a little off topic temporarily from the new baby, but I feel that it is something to be addressed and discussed. Something I am proud of, more than most any other accomplishments in my life. (other than having two babies, of course.) 

     I was 19 when I married Matt. At the time I did not understand the concern from those who loved us, and the doubt they had. I knew what I was getting into, or so I thought. Matt and I were quick to become best friends, quick to find out about Annabelle, and quick to decide to get married. Looking back, I can understand why everybody was so scared for us. This is hard. Parenting is hard. Marriage is even harder. You have to be a pro at forgiveness, and not be afraid to be wrong. In all of this challenge, though, I have discovered that I could not have possibly made a smarter decision in my life. Not that anybody at any time can predict the future, and MOST of the time, people in the situation we are in do not have a "happily ever after." It just so happened to work out that way for us, and I want people to know that it is possible for it to work out that way for them too. 

     For some reason, God decided to send me somebody who would complete me. Who would be the husband and father I needed him to be, and I will forever be thankful for that. I cant tell you how many people I meet that got pregnant young, and are single moms/dads now. My heart hurts for them. I am a very lucky person to love my husband and be loved very very much, despite our situation. It does not matter how we got here, but that we have made it here now. I have a husband who does the laundry, makes sure I have ironed clothes EVERY night before we go to bed, does the dishes, bathes the girls, LOVES the girls, loves me and still gets up and goes to work every morning. 

      After an argument between us the other night, unfortunately some in front of Annabelle, Matt walked away, and the first thing I told her was " You know how much I love daddy, right?" and she just looked at me and said "Yes, mommy, I know." Because I do. More than anything. Fights and arguments happen, but getting through them with forgiveness and a willingness to give each other a clean slate EACH and EVERY time is key. It is something I struggle with daily. I am proud of us, though. I am proud that we have beat the odds (or so to say) and have made it as far as we have, as happily as we have. 

     So, to our family and friends that were worried about us at the beginning: I hope we have made you proud. I know giving away your daughter to another man at only 19 was probably one of the harder things you had to do, but I hope you wouldn't take back that decision now for the world. We are proud of us, everyday. Everyday we work hard to go against the grain, and not be stereotypical young parents. We want the girls to be well fed, well loved, secure and confident. And I feel like we do a pretty damn good job of that. So, to those of you who are in a rut of any sort... just give a clean slate and move on to the next day. That is my best advice. Just forgive. Even if it is something extremely tiny. Forgive. You will feel better about yourself at the end of the day as well.  

   

Now for a baby update: 

Baby is now three inches long, and has developed finger prints! FINGER PRINTS. 

We saw the baby yesterday, it was one busy little bee. 

I have never seen a fetus that was SO hard to see simply due to how much/fast it was moving.

We were told what the baby could be with 85 percent certainty, but you will all have to wait on that one! Baby is healthy and loved. 

The girls are still beyond excited, and kiss my belly every morning. They will be great big sisters. 

Until next time.

( Baby turned its back to us as soon as we tried to get 3D pictures. Of course . And yes... they said the lumpiness was normal. :)  )